Where I'm meant to be
by Ashleigh-HJ
Summary: ONE SHOT. Slighty AUWishful thinking. Set mid to late Season 12. Carby


The envelope fell fast and heavily to the floor and it was enough to wake her up. She tossed and turned in her bed, frightened to get up and face the bill she was so sure had fallen through her letterbox. So she lay there for longer than she had expected. Noting the time on the clock on her table she quickly arose from her haven and began rushing around her exceptionally messy apartment- taking little notice of the envelope that lay on her floor. As time went on she got ready for work, ready to step out the door and face the world – yet she was still to notice the object lying on her floor until she took that last gulp of coffee and rushed to the door.  
She stopped.  
It was a light envelope with black smudge marks from where the rain had hit it. She recognised the handwriting. She picked it up and took note of how heavy it was. She knew it wasn't something from work as the envelope was far to small. As she opened her front door she tossed the envelope onto the nearest solid piece of furniture and made her way out of her apartment.  
She stopped briefly before the door was completely closed. Her curiosity had the better of her. She pushed the heavy door open again and grabbed the envelope and this time she let the door close behind her.

* * *

Shifts in the ER are always long no matter how few hours they last for. Although she was on a spilt shift she was so sure she had been on the go for days. There was something about that place that seemed to suck the life from her, but at the same time gave her the biggest adrenaline rush in the world and gave her all the energy she needed. To say she loved her job would have been an understatement.  
After spending most of her youth helping her mother with her illness and simultaneously helping her little brother it was only natural the she would have become a doctor – almost like fate played a hand.  
Now that her shift was over she made her way into the doctors lounge to collect her things from her locker. As she reached for her bag she spotted the corner of the envelope stick out from the top of her bag. She lifted it out and held it in her hand before securing her bag over her shoulder and making her way out of the lounge and out of the ER.  
Once outside she carried on walking, keeping the envelope close at hand. Once she had finally reached her destination she looked at it. She ran her fingers over the water stained address and smiled remembering who's handwriting it was. She recognised the curve in the Y of her name and the dot-less I when he had tried to spell Chicago. But most importantly, she noticed the lack on stamp on the letter. She paused for a while before turning the letter around, prepared to open it but before she did she stopped.  
She took in a deep breath and gazed out over the river and paid particular attention to the people around her. The faces all looked familiar. That one particular spot next to the river was always occupied by the same people looking to find something out on the water and she was included in that. She tried, but she couldn't remember the first time she had ever come out by the river, or the first heart-to-heart that was exchanged on "their bench". There we're just far too many to recall. Any significant event in their friendship seemed to have taken place there; confessions in particular and with that in mind she slip her finger underneath the opening in the seal of the envelope and ripped it open.  
She slowly pulled the paper out and as she did something fell. She placed the envelope to her side and picked up what appeared to be a piece of white paper. She turned it around and smiled as she noticed it was a photograph. The people in the photo looked happy – they were dancing; and as she looked at the photo that same cheesy song played in her head. She smiled remembering the song and then again as she remembered how she had felt that night.  
Her face had become frozen on the smile as she picked the envelope back up and finally opened the sheets of paper.  
It was a letter.  
She shook her head as her smile faded – although it didn't vanish completely.  
She breathed in and exhaled loudly as she began to pull the remainder of the letter out of the envelope but before it was completely removed she stopped. She rolled her eyes as she shook her head and began sliding the letter back into its envelope. Instead she sat clutching the letter as she watched the river flow before her eyes.  
Hours past as she remained in the one spot, her eyes transfixed on the water.  
It was almost as though he was there. She could feel his presence. Unsure of whether or not it was real she remained silent for longer than she should have. She could feel his eyes on her, watching her. But before she could even open her mouth to speak he moved and sat beside her on what was commonly referred to as their bench.  
Suddenly, more so that ever, words had become obsolete. They did seem to work better without words. She kept her eyes focussed on the water, terrified to speak.

He felt the need to break the silence.  
"You read the letter…" He asked quietly.  
She flinched, almost moving her eyes. But she didn't.  
"No" she replied, equally as quiet. "I just knew to come here" She added.  
She felt him nod his head.  
Again they both fell into a silence. No words could quite master what was going on in their heads.  
The silence extended longer than it should have. Neither one dared move.  
"Why'd you come back?"  
She asked bluntly, adding no tone to her voice as she kept her eyes focused on the river. She breathed deeply as she waited for his reply.  
"I couldn't take the heat" He answered.  
She felt his eyes fall upon her but she refused to shift her gaze. She laughed a little at his answer as she softly nodded her head in agreement. They both refused to look at the other after this. His eyes joined hers in watching the water.  
As she did this she found herself fiddling with the letter. She pulled the photograph out and slid it back in repeatedly.  
They were silent once again. As she sat flicking the photo in her hand he began to think of everything that had led him to her. All the fights and time spent on his own trying to fix everything. He had spent too long working at trying to better something that just couldn't be improved. He got on that plane and made it home. The jetlag drove him crazy so he wrote the letter - allowing it to say what he couldn't but she hadn't read it. She need to know.  
"This is where I'm meant to be" he spoke softly.  
This was all they needed. Any more and it would have seemed false. They were never really ones for over bearing gestures.  
She smiled and slowly turned her head to lock eyes with him. This she understood. Suddenly everything made sense.


End file.
